date: 03.08.2016.
Dr. Csókay András from Hungary gave a personal testimony on August 2, during the morning programme of the Youth Festival. „I am greeting you joyfully and it is my joy to stand before you today again, after I was here nine years ago. Our faith is growing and I wish to talk to you about that, but also about the fact that God turns all to good to those who love Him, as Paul, the apostle, taught us. We are surrounded by many worries and difficulties. Here, I do not refer only to those recent tragic events that took place in Europe, much bigger destructions and evil deeds are done by satan, who uses people possessed by evil to perform those deeds. The cause for that is not atheism, evil spirits are born out of our indifference towards God. That is how the emptiness is created, and evil penetrates through that. The biggest destruction takes place in those 4000 abortions performed in Europe each day, while there are 130 000 abortions done in the world each day. It is our doctors who do that. We are like the possessed person from Gerasa. Can one control such evil spirits? Yes, we can. Let us recall Jesus when demons asked of Him to send them into the herds of swine, and demons entered into swines and chocked in the water. It was then when He said to His disciples that it is not enough just to pray for that, but fasting is needed too. Through the visionaries, Our Lady is saying exactly the same here in Medjugorje. Each one of us has power of everyday mystical experience, when we hear and recognize deeply in us living Christ and Virgin Mary, of course, only if we pray and fast profoundly. That is our reality. It is very important that our spiritual experience do not say anything apart from what is already in the Gospel and Catechism of our Church. It is through the cross that we can discern where does the inner voice come from, is it from Jesus or someone else. We can all be on the path of evil and act and become like the demonic person from Gerasa. That was my way too, as, in my free will, I abandoned the faith of my childhood, lost the spiritual stability and became the prodigal son. I advised for the abortion to be performed and I committed adultery. I became partaker of the murder of my own child. I became a very bad doctor and I was a bad father and very bad husband.
The biggest turnover took part when I was 16 years old. It was then when I met my wife, and she is now here with me. As young people, we gave priority to the physical relationship instead of the spiritual one. We knew that was not right, but we were led by our emotions and we no longer listened to Jesus. As many other young people, we also left the Church and everyday prayer. The years passed by, we had children and it seemed everything was all right. I was like a sportsperson who was good at one point, but he stopped to train and to practice – it was my prayer and confession. So, once the real competition began, once the life struggles occurred, I was out of the game. I lost and I was conquered by satan. When I was 32 years old, I was all imbued by evil, I began to ignore my own family, the sacrament of marriage, I was partying all the time, I drank, became arrogant, selfish as a doctor and as I said I assisted the murder of my own child who was conceived in the wrong relationship. I fell deeper and deeper, I left my wife, I moved from my own home. Christ’s silent voice, the voice of my consciousness was all the time within me. I felt very bad in the mess I created out of my own life. I wanted to go and to return to my Father’s house. I was finally able to do that, after many attempts. I received forgiveness 7x77 times and I finally fell to the ground and was able to say the words: ‘Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, dear Virgin Mary, come into my aid.’ I needed a lot, and I received much too. Lots of time passed by and I was already 42 at that point. Nine years ago, when I spoke at this same place, I spoke about how Lord pulled me out of the deepest pit. I received that gift thanks to one mystical experience that took place in 1998. As I prayed at the foot of one big cross, I was able to see the Lord who nodded at me and told me words he said to the adulteress: ‘Go and do not sin anymore.’ That was my road to Damascus and my life was completely enlightened. Our marriage was transformed, the love that never ends was restored and two of us were in the trinity with Jesus. We had two more children, even though we were 47 at that time. I became successful and creative doctor and all of my inventions and my new ideas were born while I prayed the Rosary. In 1998, as I was performing the surgery of a little girl who had severe brain trauma, I prayed during the surgery and I got the idea that developed one new method. The method was applied and got internationally recognised, children who had brain traumas were healing much better. Then, I developed new inventions in brain vascular surgery. In those cases, it was far easier to speak about the incredible power of the rosary, as I was able to witness numerous physical and spiritual healings from various illnesses, alcoholism, drug addictions, sins against marriage, family and neighbours. That was the case with me. Yet, it is something different when you as a deeply religious person are struck by pain and suffering. I always admired Nick Vujicic from Australia who was born without legs and hands and travels around the world witnessing God’s love. I thought it was wonderful, but I did not want to exchange place with him. Then, the moment in my life came and that was two and a half years ago, when I wanted to switch place with Nick Vujicic. God helped me even in that and I want to share that with you. It is much harder to do that.
In the course of one very unusual and tragic accident, I lost 10 years old son, who sat next to me here during my previous testimony here. He was a boy who prayed gladly, who was altar boy and had beautiful childlike faith in God. He went to school, practiced sports, traditional dances and studied regularly. As other children, sometimes he was playful and there were no signs that his earlier illness of milder epilepsy reoccurred.
One winter day, I found my son in our garden swimming pool, chocked in 20 cm of water and it was on his tenth birthday, on the feast of the Presentation of our Lord. One hour desperate reanimation was not successful. It was as if I could hear devil’s laughing at me when I saw his tiny white hands straight out of dirty, cold water. Jesus Christ never leaves us, not even during the hardest times. After we tried to put our little child back to life, we prayed rosary and we were thanking God that we had him for that many years with us. But, that was only prayer of our mind and our will. The third important part of prayer - our emotions, that was missing. Both my wife and I knew we were not to hold God responsible for what happened. However, during reanimation, I said aloud: ‘Lord, please let him be little Lazarus or a boy from Naim.’ But, I realised that was not happening just like that. God also created certain limitations especially when He allowed children’s pain and death. That is why we humans find those deaths really horrifying. Jesus promised to us that children come straight to Him, as they are innocent and they come to the eternal glory with God, to happiness that cannot be compared with human joys and serenity. The Lord looked down on me and gave me a beautiful gift. Once, during the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in Budapest basilica, I was able to see Jesus with my little son. Jesus, whom I was able to see as a living face similar to the one of the Turin shroud, held my son around his shoulder and I could hear Marcika, my boy saying to me: ‘Yes daddy, you can see well!’ I was able to hear the voice before, when I was returning after cremation of my son’s body who said to me from the other side of the road: ‘Daddy, be at peace, I fell into Jesus’ hands, not into the swimming pool.’ Despite all that, as a father and as a doctor, I felt lost for months. Once, during tennis game with my older son, I saw one boy who looked very similar to my dead child, with whom I also used to play tennis. I could feel my faith again on the level of mind and will, without emotions, as I could not emotionally feel Jesus. Such Christianity is not easy and cannot give us joy of resurrection. I prayed and fasted a lot and Jesus rebuked me: ‘Don’t you know that he is with me?’ His voice was full of love, I could never feel anything like that, that was reality, everyday mystical experience. We need to go down into our depths and we need prayer, confession, fasting, Holy Communion, Bible, as Virgin Mary invites us here in Medjugorje. In the mean time, we need to find strength for those bad thoughts, let us not run from that. We need to have frontal crash with ourselves. I realised we talk about our faith, but we cannot take path where we would truly live with God.
We always want to keep control and we ask Christ to help us achieve that. We say; “May your will be done’, but in the way that our will is at the first place. We are in the great danger of spiritual arrogance. I no longer want just to use Jesus, I want to be with Him, live in Him. We do not depart from our loved ones who died, when we are in Christ, we are always with them, they will be always in our lives. Constant remembering of them helps us a lot. As prayer of Jesus, we can learn and say: ‘Lord Jesus, have pity on me sinner.’ St. Paul told us that we need to pray all the time and all will be in our favour, even the death od our own children. Let us live in the joy of resurrection, let us spread that. With Jesus and Blessed Mary we can change the world“ - said dr. Csókay András. (photos)
